thealanknox.com

thealanknox Dot Com Gets a Facelift

thealanknox — Thu, 15 Jan 2009 08:40:21 +0000

You wouldn’t know it save the National Bureau of Economic Research’s early December revelation - but we’re finally in a recession. So what better way to fight it? Don’t save; simplify. Forget existentialism - essentialism, baby. Instead of spending all free waking hours sitting in trees, lets sit on thealanknox.com, where less is more. Hope you like it.

Why America Won’t Last

thealanknox — Fri, 12 Sep 2008 17:24:01 +0000

I just read a CNN poll - only 16% of Americans surveyed said they do anything significant to mark the 9/11 attacks each year. A mere 7 years after the worst attack on American soil. That attack we would never forget. That purple fury that would never die. Grandpa, thanks. I’m so sorry.

Valentine Group

thealanknox — Thu, 12 Jun 2008 13:24:09 +0000

I honestly don’t know if you can find anything wrong with these guys. Some of the most stunning craftsmanship on the market. The visual elegance is unsurpassed. Beyond that, these folk launched the magazine Real Simple, which entered the scene unequivocally as the home design magazine standard.

Accept & Proceed

thealanknox — Thu, 29 May 2008 09:42:51 +0000

Just perusin around in between portfolio, identity, website and job search work. I’ve determined - shows how rook I am - that googling is not your design friend. Chainlinking or something to that effect is what it do. Put differently, find a designer you like and then go study the ones he/she likes. Repeat process. Just make sure you can spare the time.

Check out dude called Von. I recognized some of his other work from Build’s ‘Get Involved’ poster campaign. It’s about 2/3 down. Also recall seein it in collab with aussie Justin M. Maller. Should be relatively near the top of the page on Maller’s site, which is worth your time.

Unstranded

thealanknox — Tue, 20 May 2008 14:03:27 +0000

Alright, here is the new status - after a significant 3 month holding period, of course. No one died in the tornado on my campus, though many died across the states. 51 students got injured, 2 critically. By the grace of the Christ, not all of my possessions are gone, and, yes, the computer did make it! So it’s not all gone, and I still have a portfolio! In fact, most of my main possessions that I cared most about [computer, bible, lebron james drawing, and books] made it out. David Hume probably has an explanation for that …

I am three days graduated and trying to get my bearings straight like western Alaska. I’m searching for a communication design job in Nashville right now. While I am in wait mode between resumes and interviews I am updating the site as well as trying to perfect what exists in my portfolio. In other words - I have designated this period to strengthening what remains instead of tackling new tasks. Right now I need the focus, because, frankly, I’ll be grindstonin it hard enough in a few months.

Stranded

thealanknox — Thu, 07 Feb 2008 15:07:09 +0000

As many of my readers probably know, my school, Union University has just gone through a devastating tornado. No one is dead, though some are injured. My possessions are gone however, including my computer. All 4 years of college, gone. So what elements of my portfolio are still online will have to remain as a representation of what I can do and the direction I want to go. This is a very difficult time and honestly I am not too awful focused on the design world right now. I still have my first love, and that is Christ. What a sad day for the droves in design who have nothing more than a few shiny pixels. Jesus is real but that’s not enough. If Romans is true, convincing you that Jesus is real is a waste of effort. What matters is that Jesus saves us from the wrath of the Father and furthermore, he solves the sin problem. That’s what matters. And that’s a disaster I’ll never be able to make sense of.

Bolyard - Part 3

thealanknox — Wed, 23 Jan 2008 08:49:43 +0000

Welcome back ladies and gents. You know, you may be, you’re prolly thinking right now (or very recently) ‘Hey, he’s got three of these in a row and it’s almost dang near the end of January. Doesn’t he have anything better to write about?” Hey, first of all it’s called to-do-list and second of all you obviously are not acquainted with Mark Wolfgang Bolyard. Third of all…may I present to some, and introduce to others:

+ b: now you’ve gotta promise you aren’t going to laugh at me; you’re going to laugh with me. / a: can we laugh near you? / b: yes. … *squiggles drawing* … that’s a mouse. / *class laughs* / b: now remember, you’re laughing with me. *pauses* … *draws a little more* … i’ve seen mice that look like this. that’s a human ear.

+ how many of you are aware of surrogate mothers? so these are women who agree to have someone else’s child.

+ it costs 40 to 50,000 to clone pets. you have a situation where fluffy gets hit by a truck. she’s still warm, they could probably make an effort to clone her. if she wasn’t crushed and her body hadn’t completely shut down.

+ j: this is kinda weird, b… / b: shoot / j: …ut, can you take a human dna and place it in, like, an animal? you know… / b: yes / j: …what i mean? / b: right. i was actually thinking about this yesterday. i need a hobby. to take a frozen mastodon and stick it into an elephant egg. i think the elephant would reject it. probably.

+ there was a case not too long ago. it was in 1972, which is within my lifetime.

+ *finishing his thought on another extremely unconnected illustration* … anyway, … *with an otherwise uncharacteristic emphasis* … just trying to make, *softer now* you know, some connections here.

+ *backpedaling from his enthrallment with watson’s 2003 human genome project* hey lets do the narwhal genome, what the heck. it won’t take that long anyway. you know if you’re into making bigger, better, stronger, faster corn, you know, that might be helpful.

+ b: how many of you’ve ever been sledding? watched anyone sled? know what sledding is? … / a: *makes eye contact, misinterpreted by bolyard as a nod* / b: how do you sled? / a: you get on a sled and go down the hill. / b: and then what / a: then you go down / b: and then what / a: you keep going. / b: and then what / a: well depends on if you can stop / b: you eventually have to get off and go back up the hill. so we’ve got two phases to sledding, unless you can’t stop and hit a truck or something. and these are the kind of things cells deal with all the time.

+ how many of you are experiencing this in the dorm? you have any idea what i’m talking about? how many’s rooms will stay clean if you don’t do anything? how many will get messy if you don’t do anything? about a third of you are somewhere in between and i don’t understand.

+ how do you know you’re exhaling water? one day you’ll do this in the future, maybe this morning, you’ll see your breath. you’ll see it on a cold morning.

+ b: how many of you have ever driven from here to nashville? as you’re driving have you ever noticed anything unnatural growing on the roads? / *student answers – couldn’t hear all of it but bolyard was definitely leading her through* / b: rock walls, anyone know what i’m talking about? so the highway can go through.

+ *a minute after rock walls* atp – this is almost like the dynamite of the cell. there’s energy in dynamite. when you light it, it explodes. i’m perfectly going to admit, this is a hard idea to wrap your mind around.

+ b: if i started pumping gas into my backseat, you’d think i was crazy. the gas can’t just go anywhere. gas is used by what? auto mechanics 101. / t: engine / b: right. how many of you know your car has an engine?

+ if i had a stick and i set it on the desk – how long do you think it’d take the stick to break? … anybody? … somebody take a guess. there’s no wrong answer. … *getting desperate* i don’t know. take a guess. tell me what you think.

+ b: anybody tell me an example of an enzyme? make my day. / d: dna poll…dna polll-ihhh-muhh-raice.?. / b: dna polymerase. yes. gold star.

+ i have different ways i can regulate lights. *exhausts all variations of a two light switchboard* … and cells have different ways they can regulate enzymes.

+ *referring to - you guessed it - cell regulation* if i were going to dig a trench in my yard – i might go and rent a trencher – something with big metal diggers. it’s not something i’d put in my garage and just leave it there. i’d return it.

+ b: if i said, this semester we’re going to meet out in the grass. what might happen. what are some other possibilities? / r: rain / k: weather changes / b: yeh! it might rain. when we get to december, it might be snowing. someone might be mowing – they might come and hit us with the grass.

+ how many of you have seen a 1930s gangster movie, or at least a movie set in the 30s, during prohibition? anyone know what i’m talking about? what was prohibition? what was prohibited? / *substantial class unison, particularly from the whore/athlete section, uncoincidentally* alcohol / b: they had these places called speak easies. and a guy would go up to the door. but it would be locked. what happens? … … 1930s. gangsters. … the guy would look and see if it’s a cop. he’s communicating through the little hole in the wall. the same thing is happening with enzymes in the cell.

Much more to come, my friends. Much more.

Bolyard - Part 2

thealanknox — Thu, 29 Nov 2007 11:54:16 +0000

So here we go again. This guy is killin it. We’re talkin genocide. This dude is spitn out more absurd hilarity than anything tagged crank that on youtube. He’s just too fayust (like a nascar nascar nascar…) to keep up with. Just today he put out almost a page worth of courier new single-spaced with one inch margins. So know that there’s a whole show to go. Here’s part two:

+ how many of you are aware your bodies make hormones? *looking toward some chi omegas and baseball players* some of you are probably more aware of that than others in here.

+ b: *raises hand* any of you do any sewing? do i have any sewers? … … we’ve got one gentleman brave enough. what’s step one in sewing? / j: threading the needle / b: this protein is being threaded through that wall.

+ b: if you were to look out the window *draws blinds*, what do you see? / c: green. / b: green. *closes blinds*

+ where might have you have heard of reticulum before? … maybe you snake enthusiasts? no? no snake enthusiasts in here? … snake reticulum.

+ okay, how many of you have ever washed your hands? *amazingly, the hands begin to rise* okay, we’ll start there. we have almost 100% participation! *tear?* how many have washed their hands in dish soap? *show of hands declines to the typical participation rate* how many have blown bubbles? how many have not? some of you haven’t? you must. today. if you have never done that. rub your hands, make a fist. if you’re real good you’ll be able to get the bubble floating around. it’ll have this oily look. you got that visual picture in your mind? that’s exactly what’s happening here. *a minute and a half later* any of you successful, got it to float out there? it’s pretty hard to do.

+ is there anyone here who has to tell cell 2 billion 312 ‘it’s time’ for you to package proteins and move them around? do you have to tell yourself to do that? … … no.

+ back to our fedex illustration, those packages could go lots of places. if you think about it – there’s a billion places a package could be sent. and in the cell there’s basically 3. so it’s a little bit easier.

+ how many of you have stubbed your toe? scuffed your knee? closed your hand in a door? pain of any sort? that should be everybody. anyone who’s had a pain free life?

+ your cells, no matter how much they’d like, can’t directly interact with a hamburger.

+ a good bumper sticker is ‘my life depends on chloroplast,’ or ‘chloroplast saved my life.’ those aren’t real bumper stickers, but i think chloroplast is kinda underrated. that would make a good bumper sticker.

+ everybody do this: *wshooo* you’ve just exhaled carbon dioxide.

+ how many of you grow plants, water the grass, svhj…*trails off uncharacteristically*

+ go like this: *whuuuh* the reason you inhale is because you’re taking in oxygen.

+ there’s a sheep, just in case you were wondering *referring to isolated power point image of a bunch of sheep at a watering trough*

+ well, it’s really not a question. it’s not a whale, frog, date, or dandelion. it’s a human. it’s a whole nother kettle of fish when we ask when personhood begins.

+ b: can you think of why you would want to clone animals? / k: horses. / b: great example. if you have a horse that is really fast. / k: or in michael vick’s case his bulldog. / b: yes.

+ *throws grasshopper out window* … *gets it on second try* … *8 second delay, standing at window forlorn* ‘ve got some biology in here.

+ b: take an oath of secrecy – everyone’s gotta raise their right hand. / m: *whispering to me* alan, alan – right hand / *i was furiously writing all this stuff down, you think i had time to raise my right hand?* … *i switch hands* / b: okay. got new syllabus here. now look carefully. there’s new information – but some of it’s subliminal. you’ve got the new page numbers, which is a good thing in itself. but there’s also something else. … … okay, here’s the secret: every time you get a new course schedule – class gets easier. it’s a secret though. don’t tell anybody. don’t tell anybody from last semester or they’ll be mad.

+ b: any of you know someone who’s had an organ transplant? know what organ transplant is? / *jonathan raises his hand* / b: jonathan, what’s the deal with an organ transplant, what’s gotta happen? / girl: blood types have to be the same / b: that’s right, *apparently showing no disdain for someone else of a completely different gender answering jonathan’s question* now let’s think about kidneys – think about the question i just asked you.

Much more to come, my friends. Much more.

Bolyard - Part 1

thealanknox — Mon, 22 Oct 2007 07:25:23 +0000

I like this guy. I really do. He opens class in prayer more than any teacher I’ve had in my four year tenure. And, he’s actually been at a secular university and stood up for his faith - in the sciences no less. Yet, so many folk in the class are so helplessly lost that they can’t even appreciate his emphasis on the Christian worldview. Oh, but they’ve heard it already, right? Perhaps so, but I fear the day they get the guts to claim they’re a Christian anywhere outside of this place. The atheists are gonna have a field day. But anyway. To the gravy.

So I was going to CLEP the class - but I actually started enjoying it. Still do. But let me tell you something, this guy is starving - no - fiending for class participation. Bolyard and interaction is like Chris Crocker and attention - they’ve both got the shakes. The thing is, though, his goal has never been humor - just participation. Which fits him right within the Grizzly Man litmus: ‘If x was intended to be funny - it wouldn’t be.’ I’m going to put it this way: I now take more quotes than notes when it comes to class. And I’m sorry - no, I’m not, now that I think of it, and you shouldn’t be either. I’m not sorry to split this up into indefinite syndication because you’re gonna love the content.

Part one, and be looking for the rest - I mean, this isn’t even to the halfway point, folks:

+ b: does anyone know what col1.16-17 is? / a: it’s kinda the original fubu, you know, the for us by us / b: *extremely blank stare* … … … .. / a: it’s the for Him by Him, Christ created, all things were created through Him for Him and by Him. / b: - right! / a: *sitting by brian lake with mack bealim in the left peripheral, and pure ice in the room*

+ how many letters are in the alphabet?

+ if you looked out in the parking lot what would you see? this is not a trick question?

+ i’ve seen a car *in mid-sentence, turns statement into a question* that looks like a hot dog? how many people have seen a weinermobile? i saw one one time and thought it was pretty cool.

+ do any of you own a convertible? familiar with the concept of a convertible? a convertible does not like the rain.

+ you ever seen pictures of spiral staircases or have one in your house?

+ how many of you like scrambled eggs? and for those of you who don’t, know what i’m talking about?

+ how many of you have something that uses velcro? how many of you have ever heard of velcro?

+ how many of you’ve used jello molds, you know, like a waffle? anything – you can make a corvette, you can do anything, it doesn’t matter.

+ b: any of you wearing necklaces? / *girl accidentally makes eye contact* / b: can you take that off? a necklace – can you hold that up – each has units – thank you very much – and each has links.

+ how many of you are taking a foreign language? have taken a foreign language? aware there are other languages?

+ b: i hope none of you have ever done this, sit around and think about your organs – contemplate, meditate. have any of you ever done this? / a: *raises hand* / b: i would suggest a pet or a hobby, fishtank – that’d be good.

+ when you walk out there on a cloudless day, what are you exposed to? what is that big orange ball out there?

+ b: *bending thumb* look what i can do / k: were you abused as a child? / b: no! *volleys back and forth distorted thumb* it’s genetic.

+ any of you ever watched the championship dog shows? aware there are dogs?

+ mendel was a pea eater. anybody like peas? cmon, throw on a few onions, some butter?

+ *explaining phenotypes between flowers* it’s like a sweater. you’ve got purple sweaters, blue sweaters. they’re both sweaters, but they’re different colors.

+ any of you ever have x-rays? men in particular, what happens to you when you get an x-ray? *incredible pause…long enough that most of the class started talking again, thus forcing bolyard to say the following part even louder* b/c the x-ray can change dna in sperm.

+ there’s so called ‘crack babies’ where children are affected by the drug use of the mother.

+ how many of you know your blood type? it’s a good thing to know your blood type if you don’t know. perhaps that’s something you might want to find out.

+ *referring to the son of the russian czar who got hemophilia* he didn’t have enough time to recover from the problem because they shot him. it was kinda a drag.

+ how many of you like the mall? know what malls are? *pause* nnnoooo. you know what a mall is though. well this is a radio mall. there’s 30,000 radios there and one guy thinks it’d be a good idea to see if some of the radios are on or off. well, micro array is kinda like that.

+ you think about your stuff. you’ve got stuff. i’ve got my desk, and my attic – that i’ll never see again.

+ b: what is it that you…if you scratch yourself on a rusty nail what are you supposed to do? / *short pause, freshman girl answers* / b: *as if he needed to expound further* you can have one of these guys hunkered down on a rusty nail for 50 years. they can just sit there and wait for you to come and scratch yourself.

+ what would happen if you went into your house, separated from the outside world? now for some of you you might like that for a few hours. no water coming in, no sewage going out – no air … … does that sound like fun? … … no! … what would happen? … you’d die.

+ how many of you like geometry? took geometry?

+ *raises hand* you probably learned about the metric system in second grade, right? learned about meters – used a meter stick?

+ you ever wonder why you need oxygen? … when you breathe … you ever sat around and thought about that? anyone wanna guess? … … … okay.

+ b: how many of you have gotten a care package? / *again, inadvertent eye contact* / b: how did it get here? / g: my mom / b: and what was the process? / g: well, she had to bring the stuff to the post office / b: she put a label on it? / g: yes. and she sent it. / b: and how do you think it got here? / g: probably postman. / b: *2 minutes later in midsentence* thank you again for sharing that, by the way.

+ any of you ever seen castaway? it’s about how things are sorted or packaged – like FedEx.

Much more to come, my friends. Much more.

Sold Out

thealanknox — Fri, 31 Aug 2007 17:51:45 +0000

Well, the glorious fall semester of my senior year has rubber to roaded and I’m glad to be back and crackin. One of the first main things that’s bouncin through my mind - and has been prior - is the idea of a Christian living like one in the advertising world.

A glance at my schedule will reveal 3 guilty classes: public relations, marketing, and advertising. I’m up front: should a Christian even be in those realms? Stop. I know what you gon say. You’re gonna throw out the 1cor10.31s, the col3.23s, the 1cor9s. Look, I’ve thought about these things. But we gotta stop actin like as long as you do something with all your heart the Lord is pleased. What was Paul’s take? He adjusted to bring folk to Christ, but he was also the same dude that said everything is permissible but not beneficial. I still don’t think someone can rationalize ‘working as unto the Lord’ by raping schoolchildren, dedicating life to pushin crack, or throwin out a few f-bombs in a sermon to emphasize how real they are for the Lord. Allow me to upset you even more by suggesting anything that is sin is not working as unto the Lord. Even when sin is not what we think it is. Only in this generation would that seem foreign. My goodness we’re in a stinkin twilight zone.

So here I sit in 3 different classes under three different Christian professors questioning the very foundations of these disciplines. Do I believe Christians need to be in the ruggedest sections of marketplace thought? All day bebe. All I’m puttin out is bein in and not of is one of the hardest pursuits in the Christian life, and if you want to go to the big leagues please come to America. I’m readin through my textbooks and am already perturbed at the whole idea of selling something that I don’t even believe in, under the guise that I’m…

Adding value to someone’s life. I hate that phrase. It’s been so misconstrued. I hear all these Christians throwin out ‘we need to work redemptively in culture by adding value to all our spheres of interaction.’ I’m not so upset at the syntax as I am the origin. That’s not rooted in the Bible, it’s just a pop-progressive phrase that sounds less offensive and cold than commands in Scripture.

The front page of my syllabus says marketing is about adding quality, service, and value. What does that mean? I’ll tell you what it means, because - from a Christian perspective - it’s no better than a load of trash. You mean to tell me all these utilities that I’m branding in people’s mind is adding quality and value to their lives? On whose definition of quality and value? And therein lies the race. This storming race by such a dwindling remnant that - yes - has a problem with replacing the bedrock doctrines of faith with modern so-called relevancy. I’ll tell you what quality of life is: knowing Jesus Christ. And don’t think it’s that easy. You have no clue what ‘knowing’ means; you have no clue what ‘Jesus’ means; and, you have no clue what ‘Christ’ means. And we’ll go deeper: I’ll bet your (and my) understanding of what ‘knowing’ means and Who the real Jesus is is so overwhelmingly based on extra-biblical wisdom that if you could know the contrast you’d vomit. And so would I.

I’m sorry, but this is really getting down to what we really believe. If you only believe that Christ and His call is a section, a department, or even an umbrella - and not life itself, then this stuff shouldn’t bother you one bit. But if I’m supposed to conform in every - I’ll say ‘fiber’ since the Brian McLaren camp may be dropping by - to the image of Christ, and this conflicts, I gotta go the route less taken.

Now, all that said - if it is indeed true that these frameworks of advertising and marketing are biblically feasible, then heck yeh we need Christians all up in em. That’s a big reason ya guy’s in media in the first place. That’s where the race is. But I want a satisfying explanation. One, is this idea of invoking felt need in people (when in reality all they need is to forsake their wickedness and turn to a jealous God who has only quelled His wrath on His Son) Biblically acceptable? Second, if it is, how in the heck does a Christian live Christianly? In reference to the second question, I’m not saying be a Christian in name, doctrine, and creed, but then being lazy and just looking like everyone else around you. I’m saying sweatn and crammin questionin demandin to look like Jesus though you may be the only one.

These are difficult objections and I truly hope my teachers offer more than just colloquial homilies that come from academia and not from personal struggle with their walks with the Lord. I’m sure they have, but at this point, I’m confused as a mug. We’ll just have to see how this one plays out. Aight na.