Bolyard – Part 3


Welcome back ladies and gents. You know, you may be, you’re prolly thinking right now (or very recently) ‘Hey, he’s got three of these in a row and it’s almost dang near the end of January. Doesn’t he have anything better to write about?” Hey, first of all it’s called to-do-list and second of all you obviously are not acquainted with Mark Wolfgang Bolyard. Third of all…may I present to some, and introduce to others:

+ b: now you’ve gotta promise you aren’t going to laugh at me; you’re going to laugh with me. / a: can we laugh near you? / b: yes. … *squiggles drawing* … that’s a mouse. / *class laughs* / b: now remember, you’re laughing with me. *pauses* … *draws a little more* … i’ve seen mice that look like this. that’s a human ear.

+ how many of you are aware of surrogate mothers? so these are women who agree to have someone else’s child.

+ it costs 40 to 50,000 to clone pets. you have a situation where fluffy gets hit by a truck. she’s still warm, they could probably make an effort to clone her. if she wasn’t crushed and her body hadn’t completely shut down.

+ j: this is kinda weird, b… / b: shoot / j: …ut, can you take a human dna and place it in, like, an animal? you know… / b: yes / j: …what i mean? / b: right. i was actually thinking about this yesterday. i need a hobby. to take a frozen mastodon and stick it into an elephant egg. i think the elephant would reject it. probably.

+ there was a case not too long ago. it was in 1972, which is within my lifetime.

+ *finishing his thought on another extremely unconnected illustration* … anyway, … *with an otherwise uncharacteristic emphasis* … just trying to make, *softer now* you know, some connections here.

+ *backpedaling from his enthrallment with watson’s 2003 human genome project* hey lets do the narwhal genome, what the heck. it won’t take that long anyway. you know if you’re into making bigger, better, stronger, faster corn, you know, that might be helpful.

+ b: how many of you’ve ever been sledding? watched anyone sled? know what sledding is? … / a: *makes eye contact, misinterpreted by bolyard as a nod* / b: how do you sled? / a: you get on a sled and go down the hill. / b: and then what / a: then you go down / b: and then what / a: you keep going. / b: and then what / a: well depends on if you can stop / b: you eventually have to get off and go back up the hill. so we’ve got two phases to sledding, unless you can’t stop and hit a truck or something. and these are the kind of things cells deal with all the time.

+ how many of you are experiencing this in the dorm? you have any idea what i’m talking about? how many’s rooms will stay clean if you don’t do anything? how many will get messy if you don’t do anything? about a third of you are somewhere in between and i don’t understand.

+ how do you know you’re exhaling water? one day you’ll do this in the future, maybe this morning, you’ll see your breath. you’ll see it on a cold morning.

+ b: how many of you have ever driven from here to nashville? as you’re driving have you ever noticed anything unnatural growing on the roads? / *student answers – couldn’t hear all of it but bolyard was definitely leading her through* / b: rock walls, anyone know what i’m talking about? so the highway can go through.

+ *a minute after rock walls* atp – this is almost like the dynamite of the cell. there’s energy in dynamite. when you light it, it explodes. i’m perfectly going to admit, this is a hard idea to wrap your mind around.

+ b: if i started pumping gas into my backseat, you’d think i was crazy. the gas can’t just go anywhere. gas is used by what? auto mechanics 101. / t: engine / b: right. how many of you know your car has an engine?

+ if i had a stick and i set it on the desk – how long do you think it’d take the stick to break? … anybody? … somebody take a guess. there’s no wrong answer. … *getting desperate* i don’t know. take a guess. tell me what you think.

+ b: anybody tell me an example of an enzyme? make my day. / d: dna poll…dna polll-ihhh-muhh-raice.?. / b: dna polymerase. yes. gold star.

+ i have different ways i can regulate lights. *exhausts all variations of a two light switchboard* … and cells have different ways they can regulate enzymes.

+ *referring to – you guessed it – cell regulation* if i were going to dig a trench in my yard – i might go and rent a trencher – something with big metal diggers. it’s not something i’d put in my garage and just leave it there. i’d return it.

+ b: if i said, this semester we’re going to meet out in the grass. what might happen. what are some other possibilities? / r: rain / k: weather changes / b: yeh! it might rain. when we get to december, it might be snowing. someone might be mowing – they might come and hit us with the grass.

+ how many of you have seen a 1930s gangster movie, or at least a movie set in the 30s, during prohibition? anyone know what i’m talking about? what was prohibition? what was prohibited? / *substantial class unison, particularly from the whore/athlete section, uncoincidentally* alcohol / b: they had these places called speak easies. and a guy would go up to the door. but it would be locked. what happens? … … 1930s. gangsters. … the guy would look and see if it’s a cop. he’s communicating through the little hole in the wall. the same thing is happening with enzymes in the cell.

Much more to come, my friends. Much more.

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